~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* When the Wilson family was first introduced to Barbara, we all knew straight away that not only was she perfect for Brian, but that she was perfect for the whole Wilson family. Barbara came with an added bonus for the Wilson family, her beautiful daughter Michelle. We remember on one occasion when Brian, Barbara and Michelle came to Glasgow very early on in their relationship, Michelle would have been about 8 or 9, and they stayed with our parents. Brian and Barbara went out for the day and Michelle decided to stay with our mum. Our mum had a hairdresser’s appointment and took Michelle along with her. Whilst in the hairdressers Michelle made a comment that she would love to have her long hair cut into a short bob to which, of course, our mum duly obliged. Michelle loved her new hairstyle but, unknown to our mum Barbara had been growing Michelle’s hair, so you can imagine Barbara’s reaction when she arrived back to see Michelle with her new short bobbed hairdo! This has been a standing joke in the Wilson family and after that wherever Barbara went whilst in Glasgow Michelle went too for fear that our mother would carry out any other of Michelle’s wishes! Barbara loved Glasgow, its culture and its many bars and restaurants we visited during her stay with us and, going back a few years, the Discos, but we will leave that one there! There are no words good enough to described Barbara who was such an unassuming woman who put everyone before herself and was loved by everyone who had the privilege to meet her. Barbara will be sorely missed by everyone who knew her. Ann Marie & George Murray x ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Well where do I start. I met Barbara when we both started at the Ursuline School in Ilford aged 11. Her parents were very proud that she got into that school and all three of the `Vincent' girls went there. There were some difficult times during those years, especially when her mum died, but her dad brought up all three girls and brother Jon whilst working for the newspapers. Luckily they lived in Gants Hill, only a short bus ride from the school, so very handy to use as a base to bunk off to when we had had enough of lessons ( I seem to recall this became more frequent the older we got !). I can remember the many afternoons spent there with music blaring - normally something like Bad Company or our real hero David Bowie (remember his concert at Wembley when we got `surfed' over the crowds). After leaving school we did different things for a few years until one day we bumped into each other in the DSS office at Gants Hill where we were both working. Coincidently also working there was another of our friends from school, Anne Shipsey (now Edwards). Since then, what ever direction life took us, we remained firm friends. I couldn’t have asked for a better more loyal friend than Barbara. I could tell her or ask her anything and would be guaranteed to get a straightforward honest answer - not always what I wanted to hear mind, but I knew she would be right. She was so determined and carried on working for many years whilst undergoing treatment when many others would have long given up. I regarded Barbara as my ` mother hen', as it was always Barbara who made the time to chase us up and organise a night out; which normally end up with us consuming large quantities of red wine. She really was `one in a million' and we will miss her greatly. One of the happiest times I look back on was when Barbara and Brian got married, after many years together how pleased I was for them. Barbara was immensely proud of her daughter Michelle and on a night out Barbara was always keen tell all her friends how Michelle was getting on in life. Then at the end of last year Barbara moved from the house in Barkingside where they had lived for many years to go and live in Epping in a victorian cottage. She was over the moon when she got that house, arranging new furniture etc - I cant believe how much she achieved there in such a short amount of time. In fact our last day out was Barbara, myself, Anne and Eileen round at Barbara's house (admiring her new bathroom) and a meal at a restaurant in the High Street, as usual we had a great laugh. Barbara, she was so courageous and fought so hard for so long. I know that my life will not be the same without her and I am sure that so many other people whose lives she touched will feel the same. Sleep tight Barbara, lots of love, Frances xxx. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle We really appreciated you taking the time to ring us last night, you must have so much to do. Joanne has forwarded all the details for Friday to us , you are very organised, just like your Mum! A lovely idea to ask for any words to describe Mum, well, we’re sure you will get lots of replies & many words will be repeated without doubt: Kind & considerate & thoughtful, always very positive about everything & enthusiastic. Even though things must have been pretty awful & grim with all the treatment, never once did I hear her moan about things, she would just get on with it all & had immense faith & trust in her Oncologist – she was always thinking & looking ahead, with her courtyard garden she was asking my advice about plants for pots etc (being a keen gardener myself) Given the weather this year, she’d decided not to worry too much this year but to wait until next year, never did she suggest that she would not be here then. She truly was an inspiration as to how to cope with such an illness & I did tell her this a few times, but being Barbara she brushed it aside, too modest! I’m sure that all will go smoothly on Friday, you certainly have put a lot of time & thought into the planning & arrangements. We hope that Brian is managing reasonably well. Take care. Marion & Kevin Tracey x ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michelle You asked for some words to describe your Mum and what she meant to me. In life we meet many people but your Mum was a very special human being – so special its really hard to describe her with the minimum of words – I know you won’t want a book This is what Barbara was to me: Barbara was someone who always listened She laughed and cried with me We shared our deepest secrets She was my confidante She showed she cared in so many ways She was my dear friend She was my gift from God Sending you big hugs. Anne Warriner x ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dearest Michelle Please accept my deepest condolences. I have been forwarded your email with details of Friday’s arrangements which I would like to attend. Barbara was a lovely friend of mine and I recall when I took on the job of IT Manager, that Barbara was the first person to come over to me and take me under her wings. She was there at the end of the phone for me to pick her brains not only about work but also personal matters. She was never afraid of standing up for what she believed was right. She was a very special lady and I shall miss her very much. Best wishes to you and your family. Rani Ranjit ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle, So sorry to hear the news of your Mum...she was someone that always brightened the day, for those around her.. Anne Warriner forwarded me details of your Mum’s funeral and I thought I’d pen a few words to add to your tributes... If you feel any of it is inappropriate or may cause upset, please feel free amend / delete, as appropriate..: I worked closely with Barbara on a number of teams and projects over the years in HMRC and she brightened any room she walked into.. Always having a smile and positive ideas and never being fazed, regardless of the size and complexity of any task ahead.. In her own unique way, she would occasionally ‘prod me’ verbally, to see if I’d finished a particular aspect of work and then apologise for being pushy and we would laugh about it..  We had the same sports car and when she talked about hers and getting that top down, she would beam with happiness, as only Barbara could.. When we met last, she talked about her lovely new house, all the hard work Brian had put into it and being happy, closer to her family. Despite facing her own battles, she was always supportive of her friends and colleagues and would ring or text, just when you needed it most...as I experienced when I suffered losses myself.. A lovely, selfless lady, with boundless energy and motivation to help those around her.. Whenever I think of Barbara, I will always smile and have happy thoughts... [IAN PARFITT] ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle, Thank you for the details. Your mum would be so proud of the way you are dealing with everything. If I had to sum up your mum I would say she was a remarkable woman with enormous strength and courage. She never had a bad word to say about anyone and always saw the good rather than the bad. If there was any good to come out of this awful illness, was her decision to live life to the full. I'm so pleased she moved, she loved their new home and was looking forward to bossing Brian around to get it how she wanted it! She loved being closer to you too. She always talked about you with such pride and you brought her so much joy and happiness. I can't quite believe I will never see her again, but she will always be remembered fondly in my heart. Sending you lots of love Joanne ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle – hope you’re doing as best as you can at this terribly sad time. As for words to be describe Mum – I knew her a relatively short time but in that time she became a very close friend, she was without doubt one of the most genuine, kind, caring, supportive and thoughtful women I have ever met – I will miss our chats over coffee on a Saturday morning at Repton Park, as will many others too. See you Friday. Best wishes Barbara x ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle, I knew your mum from when she head hunted me to come and work with her. At first I was a bit apprehensive as she had that Head Mistress look about her but I very soon got to know the real person inside. She was a true gem. She became my very best friend. She insisted that we go out at lunch time to relax. In the summer we would sit in St James Park enjoying the sunshine and an ice cream. She was a great believer in enjoying life. After she left work she would come down very often to my flat where we would enjoy a nice cup of coffee/chat and then she would whisk me off in her sport’s car – top down (Oh she loved that car and what a beauty) to Valentine Park where we would take a stroll in the park. I really used to look forward to her visits. I last saw her when she moved in her new home in Epping. She looked really relax there and we enjoyed a really nice lunch with a bottle of wine. Once or twice she fell asleep but I didn’t mind, I was just glad to be in her company. We also used to meet up for lunch regularly with our other friends: Anne Warriner, Ian Parfitt, Sue Palmer and Rani Ranjit. We are really going to miss her. She was a fantastic lady. May she rest in peace. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to say a proper goodbye to her. Rashida Giddings ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle Thanks for sending the information for Mums funeral .Words are very hard to find at this time ,but I found your Mum to have a bright and cheery personality and always put others before herself. I hope the support of your family and friends is helping you cope just now. It is very kind of you to have Martin and I to stay with you. Lots and Lots of love Cathy, God Bless ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michelle & Family, I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your very sad news. I worked with your mum when she first came over to Inland Revenue (Chadwell Heath) from Contributions Agency, quite a while ago now. She was a lovely, bubbly character who despite not knowing anyone or anything about our work, fitted in with us straight away. She always had a smile on her face even when things were tough and she rarely had a bad word to say about anyone. I loved our little chats/gossips in the mornings, when the office was quiet and I remember when she got her little sports car, she giggled with embarrassment when I noticed it in the car park, I know how she loved that car . I sadly lost touch when she moved offices, we did email at first but I am the worlds worst for keeping in touch although I did manage to keep up to date more recently via others. I regret not being more organised now. My thoughts will be with you all on Friday Take Care X Lisa Ibrahim ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle, I would like to thank you for the invitation to express in words what your Mum meant to me personally and have pleasure in forwarding this below: Barbara was a Special Person in the truest sense of the word. She was Special and yet in perfect keeping with her modest, selfless, caring, generous kind and warm nature she seemed blissfully unaware of how other people perceived her, and how highly regarded she was by those who met her. Barbara was the kind of person whom it’s easy to run out of superlatives to describe. Friends of mine who met her remarked upon how warm, friendly and kind she was towards them - none of this surprising to me since these were just a few of the positive qualities that she had in abundance and qualities that I adored her for. The courageous, steadfast, positive and dignified way in which Barbara fought her long illness was truly humbling - particularly as I never once heard her complain about her ordeal - and even more so because she had an effortless way of making other people feel included and important, throughout all of those difficult times. I will miss her hugely and feel hugely privileged to have known her and be able to call her my friend. God Bless Barb xx ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle. Thanks for sending details , that is a lovely idea sending words in to describe mum. I first met your mum after doing her nails in the shop many years ago, we stayed friends , we would meet for lunch , have a good old chat . we would talk about many things , your mum was so strong and so positive , always there to offer support and advice , she had great strength and courage , and I will miss our time together. love and best wishes Mandy x ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dear Michelle, Thank you very much indeed for your email. You have been extremely organised at a very difficult time and you are probably propping up a number of people if you are anything like your mum. The words I would like to contribute are simply: Barbara was an open, friendly person who was easy to get to know and gave a huge amount of herself to everyone, keeping very little back for herself. She was no fool. She chose the attitude she adopted towards her illness and it was this that, in my firm belief, kept her going for so much longer than would have been expected. Barbara really did bring out the best in everyone while pulling no punches whatsoever. She genuinely wanted the best for everyone she knew and, with her no-nonsense insight and vast experience of life, was able to help them achieve it if they let her in. She really will be missed but, at the same time, I'm so pleased she doesn't have to suffer any longer because that was the unbearable part for me and for many others. It is said that, if a loved one dies in the correct order, they leave enough of themselves behind to enable you to carry on. From all our conversations, I know your mum regarded you as probably her biggest achievement and was extremely proud of you - when she talked about you could see the love in her. Take her with you wherever you go and she will always be there to give you or guide you to what you need. I hope I haven't made you cry but, as I said on the phone, don't be too brave because it can store up problems in the future - just wear sunglasses a lot. Sounds stupid as I also said but it doesn't half help somehow. Lots of love to you all and much strength to Brian. See you at the funeral service. I won't be able to endure the burial and will make room for others at the Theydon Oak so I'll just take my place at the church where I will be able to be brave. Leah ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle, I was really sorry to hear the sad news about your mum, Barbara was one of the nicest people I have ever met she was very brave though out her illness and was always very positive and more worried about others than herself. She was a fun person always up for a laugh both in work and outside of work We had many laughs and good times both in the office and when we met for lunches after she took her retirement, she will sadly be missed be myself and lots of her friends and ex-colleagues. I can’t begin to imagine how you and Brian must be feeling but would like to express my sincere condolences to you both. Love from Sue ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* I have thought about the words you asked for to include in the service and these are a few that came to mind. Supportive, unassuming, caring, kind and loyal. I have no words to say to you that will help or make any impact on how you must be feeling on losing your mum. I have been through this myself so I know what you are going through. I will miss her so much. Love Sheila x ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* > Before I knew Barbara properly, she came across as a very hardworking & conscientious lady. She led a team of IT lads & it sometimes conjectured the image of her being led by a group if bodyguards as they marched the corridor of the office! These lads had the greatest respect for her because of what she represented, for being fair & her work ethics. > I also knew Barbara for her caring nature - always showing concern when I am working long hours or looking anxious or tired. She always had some words of comfort & encouragement. > Barbara will be remembered for her courage & determination. Her fighting spirit would not allow her to accept defeat; from the outset she didn't want any fuss made & for her 'life goes on'. > A truly remarkable lady who will be greatly missed by her friends & colleagues. > May her spirit & soul rest in peace. > This is sent with my deepest sympathy to her family. > Marie Miller ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "Barbara was the most pragmatic and down to earth person I knew. She made less fuss about her illness than most people would a common cold. I'll be proud of myself if I can be half as brave when facing my own problems. She will remain an inspiration to me and many others. RIP Barbara, I'll miss you xxx" Gary ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dear Michelle I cannot begin to tell you how saddened I was to hear via Joanne that your mum had passed away. I worked with her for years and years - not quite sure how many in total but it must be about 30 plus - first in Wentworth House then around Romford then Docklands Stratford and Chadwell Heath. I was thrilled when she got her SO and moved to 100 PS and we all continued to meet up every couple of months for lunch and a good natter. I was meant to pop over to Epping to see mum on 9th of July but she cancelled the day before saying she was not well enough - the first hint I had that she was really poorly. I then rang less than 3 weeks ago when we had no reply to text and vim messages and it cameras a shock to hear that treatment had stopped. you see the truth is that your mum fought and won for so many years it seemed completely incomprehensible that this dreadful disease would ever get the better of someone like Barbara who was the greatest winner And fighter I have ever known. My lasting memory will always be twofold. Firstly your mum was always so matter of fact about her illness and never let it get in the way of anything she wanted to do, be it a holiday or buying and driving a swish sports car. Secondly she always thought of others ahead of herself. I had a fairly major operation in March and your mum, I'll as she was, insisted in driving over to my house to see me and bring me flowers. She was first to send me cards both after my op and when my grandson was born in May. Regrettably as we go away this evening I cannot be with you on Friday but I have taken the liberty of passing your mail to the many people who have asked about Barbara regularly since she left work. MY thought will be with you and I am just so glad she did not suffer any more for too long once her illness became impossible to treat. She was always so proud of you and your achievements and whilst you will miss her dreadfully, you are so lucky to have had such a first class Mum Michelle All good wishes to you and Brian and family Gill Struthers xx ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Dear Michelle Thank you for the details I have written some brief thoughts in a card to Brian and I am sure that many people will have known your Mum better but I can say how much her friendship meant to me. I first met your Mum when she was able to do circuits at the gym and we were sometime Sunday partners going round. When she left work she asked to join my book group and we got to know each other better, meeting at the gym and going out on the odd trip to London for culture and, of course, food and wine. She was always fantastic company with a warm and genuine interest in other people. She knew she was seriously ill but kept a positive and uncomplaining attitude throughout that was truly inspirational. She was able to support others (including me) through our own less important problems despite having so much to face herself. She showed love without sentimentality and had a wicked sense of humour. She loved life and embraced all it had to offer. Her family and new home meant everything to her (and her car of course!). I always looked forward to spending time with your mother and will miss a very rare and special person who took on life with style, glamour and a generous heart. Ann (Telesz) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hi Michelle I began work at the DSS Wentworth House, Ilford on the same day as your Mother in November 1984. She has always been a very loyal friend and colleague. She was someone that I could go to for advice which she would give unconditionally. She was always pleasant and very helpful but firm when required. She was always approachable and encouraging. It was a pleasure to know her with her lovely smile. She will be missed. Best wishes Sylvia and Chris ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michelle Thank you so much for getting in touch regarding the passing of your mum, I was so sorry to hear the sad news but glad that we were able to meet up for lunch not so long ago. I worked alongside your mum at the Chadwell Heath office along with Maris Heagren & Keith Cox. I am hoping to be there tomorrow along with Maris but Keith wasn't sure if he would be able to make it. We are all thinking of you and Brian at this sad time and my thoughts and prayers will be with you especially tomorrow. Kind regards, Audrey Goodwin ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Hello Michelle I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and send you a gentle hug of comfort. I don't have to tell you what a brave and special person your Mum was and I'm sure it will be said tomorrow. I wish I could be there with you to give back a little of the kindness and support your Mum gave to others. Your Mum was one of those wonderful people who despite her own discomfort and health problems always took a genuine interest in other people and that's a rare quality. If you or someone in your family had a problem then no matter how busy she was if she could help you she would and I feel honoured to have had her as a friend. Apologies I can't be with you but will make a donation to the Macmillan Tribute Fund on behalf of myself and my granddaughter Alice who your Mum took such an interest in. Kind regards Chris & Brian ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Michelle, Thank you for the e mail: I had hoped our card might have arrived by now. Your great auntie Frances rang me on the Wednesday 8th August and gave me the tragic news and I spent most of the morning in my garden thinking back over the past. So sad that her life had been so short in the end! Given that nobody would say that your Mum had enjoyed a totally trouble-free life, I was always struck on the few times I met her in recent years how positive she was – she was a pleasure to talk to and just great company.I don’t think I will ever forget her. I am not allowed to drive at present following my fall in Theydon Bois- my brother David ,Colette and Frances will be able to tell you about it .Although I would very like to have been there ,on the advice I have been given I do not think now that I will not be able to make the funeral tomorrow but I will be thinking of you all in the afternoon and hope that Barbara is now at peace. Yours in great sadness Mike Tolladay ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*